there's paper in my vomit.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im holly from the hills drunk
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
