we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Alive.
So much puke
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize