she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
