her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
