Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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