You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
