She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
