Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
