look no pants
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
