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ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
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