Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  My room smells like vodka and shame

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  (312): My room smells like vodka and shame http://tfl.nu/t2bn
  Replies (7) Good night (1971) Bad night (732)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.

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  (859): I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum. http://tfl.nu/asaw
  Replies (36) Good night (2865) Bad night (794)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like abortions should bother me more

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  (724): I feel like abortions should bother me more http://tfl.nu/zn32
  Replies (32) Good night (1102) Bad night (2660)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  **i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**

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  (972): **i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS** http://tfl.nu/fjtm
  Replies (58) Good night (1818) Bad night (4290)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...

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  (510): I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall... http://tfl.nu/htpj
  Replies (17) Good night (6896) Bad night (2074)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."

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  (925): While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me." http://tfl.nu/vnft
  Replies (42) Good night (8015) Bad night (1885)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.

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  (617): I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while. http://tfl.nu/clpn
  Replies (15) Good night (4497) Bad night (1434)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...

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  (321): Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds... http://tfl.nu/1h6m
  Replies (12) Good night (1223) Bad night (6667)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.

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  (847): Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed. http://tfl.nu/o4oh
  Replies (8) Good night (1192) Bad night (2696)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.

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  (336): Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car. http://tfl.nu/8ezv
  Replies (11) Good night (1950) Bad night (978)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.

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  (512): I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun. http://tfl.nu/d4m3
  Replies (21) Good night (2809) Bad night (993)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.

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  (812): My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out. http://tfl.nu/0i9m
  Replies (5) Good night (496) Bad night (620)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.

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  (908): My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER. http://tfl.nu/023o
  Replies (3) Good night (666) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.

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  (214): White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs. http://tfl.nu/ocpx
  Replies (6) Good night (681) Bad night (272)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?

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  (714): Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself? http://tfl.nu/qmio
  Replies (0) Good night (434) Bad night (234)

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