When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED