It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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