How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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