It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize