So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
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We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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