Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
