"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
