Do you still have your period?
I will die if light touches me.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
