hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
