Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
