Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it hurts more in the daytime
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
