I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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