I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
