I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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