He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
