I showed him my bush... on skype.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
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