I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
