Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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