Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
are you so shy because you have an std?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
