You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
