nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
