Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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