look no pants
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
