He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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