I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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