Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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