i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
