Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
