there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
