Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
