why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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