How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
