I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
