I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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