why didn't you poke me back
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
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I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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