I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
