I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
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Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
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If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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