We're facebook friends in real life
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
