Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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