so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
