Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
