everyone is single if you try hard enough
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
