All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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