I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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