i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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