woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
