Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
