I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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