i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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