Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
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We talked him into tasing himself.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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