dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
