I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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